Welcome again. One other episode of Life Time Talks. I’m David Freeman.
And I’m Jamie Martin.
And we now have an incredible episode at the moment that’s going to be speaking concerning the seven guidelines of self-reliance. If you consider how quickly altering our world is with regards to communication, while you consider self and the way a lot we now have already invested in self, our experiences have formed us through the years. However generally, we have a tendency to not take that shot. In at the moment’s episode, we’re going to speak about investing in self, the best way to take advantage of out of self, and counting on self to make it occur. So we now have a particular visitor, Jamie, go forward and introduce her.
Sure, I’m so excited for Maha Abouelenein. Maha is a world communications knowledgeable with greater than 30 years of expertise working in strategic communications throughout tech, media, and authorities. She is the founding father of Digital and Savvy. She is the bestselling writer of the brand new e-book, 7 Guidelines of Self-Reliance Methods to Keep Low, Preserve Transferring, Put money into Your self and Personal Your Future. And he or she is the host of the Savvy Speak podcast.
She believes communication is the bridge to each alternative. I really like that. That is sort of a mantra virtually. Like how can we discuss and talk higher with each other? So Maha, thanks for becoming a member of us. We’re so completely satisfied to have you ever.
I’m so excited to be right here. I’m an enormous fan of the present. I’m an avid listener. So to be a visitor right here is great. And simply tremendous pumped to talk with you guys at the moment.
Superior. We’re going to leap proper in. We wish to know extra about you and the way you bought right here. How did you resolve to take this path to be main individuals in world communications?
So I’m born and raised in Minnesota. I grew up in Mankato. My dad was a dean of the enterprise college and educator. I lived in Mankato, dwelling of the coaching camp for the Vikings. And it’s a small city, a school city that swells up throughout the college 12 months. And after graduating from Mankato State, undergraduate and graduate levels, I moved to the Twin Cities.
I labored for Normal Mills doing sports activities advertising, Wheaties, Betty Crocker, all of the enjoyable manufacturers that you just guys are conscious of. And once I was 27 years outdated, my mother and father, who’re each Egyptian, mentioned, we’re shifting again to Egypt. That they had come right here to go to highschool and ended up spending 30 odd years right here within the US.
And I moved to Egypt at 27, didn’t communicate the language, didn’t have any associates, didn’t have a community, actually needed to depend on myself to determine how I used to be going to create a profession for myself in what was just about for me, a international nation. And my mother had a number of sclerosis. So I used to be caretaking for my mom on the time. And that was the rationale why I moved again with my mother and father.
I ended up dwelling abroad for 23 years between Egypt and Dubai, labored in communications, head of public coverage and world communications for Google, launched Netflix within the Center East, labored for the ruler of Dubai, ended up being a advisor for the US authorities, serving to them inform tales within the Center East, serving a couple of undersecretaries of state for public diplomacy and have become actually generally known as the Olivia Pope of the Center East. If anybody had a disaster in comms, they might come to me. After which 2020 occurred, and the pandemic hit.
And I religiously come to Minnesota each single summer time. And the considered me not having the ability to see my household was a non-negotiable for me. And after dwelling abroad for 23 years, in 24 hours, I made a decision to maneuver dwelling as a result of they mentioned the airports had been going to shut. And I wouldn’t be capable to depart the nation.
So I left Dubai in 2020, and I moved again to Minnesota. And I’ve been right here for 4 years. I rebuilt my enterprise. I’ve a communications agency the place I seek the advice of for people and firms on the best way to do good storytelling and communications. And quick ahead to this e-book. It was an enormous purpose of mine to write down a e-book. And didn’t actually know I used to be going to write down a e-book about self-reliance.
However once I thought of the whole lot I had carried out in my profession, and I seemed by line, the factor that was fixed was the best way to depend on your self. And this isn’t a e-book about what I did. It’s how I did it and the way I do it. And I wish to encourage individuals to spend money on themselves and to consider in themselves and to belief themselves. As a result of all good issues occur after they do.
I really like that. I really like that. And I wish to lead with after we discuss concerning the common language, I at all times discuss how music and motion are just like the common languages. So with regards to communication, I’ve a robust ardour behind it. I’m going all the way in which again to school once I needed to main in interpersonal communication. And I simply knew I used to be going to be one of the best communicator.
After which the instructor had me go up within the entrance and have this — public communicate. After which it was a actuality verify for me actual fast. Virtually like imposter syndrome once I’m in entrance of all my friends.
[INAUDIBLE]
But it surely additionally modified one thing inside me on that day. And we’re going to most likely unpack quite a lot of that. I’m going to return again full circle to this second. So first issues first, let’s go into your philosophy round communication. Why it’s so important to have a robust communication, and because it pertains to encouraging transparency and bringing probably the most out of your self when speaking to any individual in entrance of you?
I feel the most important factor is tales are what join us. Take into consideration while you observe any individual on social media otherwise you hear a narrative within the information, what makes you cease and give it some thought? Is it one thing that evoked emotion? Was it one thing that was humorous? Communications won’t ever exit of favor. Regardless of how a lot AI takes over the world or infuses into each a part of our lives, we’re nonetheless going to should construct relationships. We’re nonetheless going to have to speak with one another — at work, socially, by your communities and your households.
And the e-book isn’t a communications e-book. It’s extra about rules of what you are able to do to personal your future. And I really feel prefer it begins with the story you inform your self first. An important story is the story you inform your self. What am I able to? What do I care about? What are my values. And how will you lean into that? And I really feel like as we begin a brand new 12 months, it’s a recent new 12 months. Lots of people take into consideration resolutions and objectives.
And I take into consideration organising methods as a result of methods are what is going to maintain you. Programs are the issues that you may proceed to try this will construct a behavior or construct sustainability for your self. And it’s onerous. We’ve got loads happening in our lives. We acquired household obligations. We acquired work obligations. We’ve got stress. We’ve got social media, the place we’re evaluating ourselves on a regular basis, pondering we’re most likely not doing sufficient, or different individuals are doing extra. However I need you to only ignore all of that.
And the primary rule of the e-book is keep low, maintain shifting. That it’s good to keep low, not low profile, however keep low since you could possibly be up right here distracted by the whole lot taking place on the earth that you just’re by no means going to give attention to what you care about. So how will you tune out the noise, end up the issues which might be distracting you, or the doubters telling you may’t do it, or the distractions from, let’s say, for instance, comparability on social media. Keep low and keep targeted in your objectives, and also you’ll obtain them.
And maintain shifting as a result of you should have setbacks. You should have a foul day. You should have financial challenges. You should have issues that occur. Life occurs. It’s messy. So the primary rule of being self-reliant, slightly extra self-reliant at the moment than you had been yesterday is like, how will you keep targeted on what you care about? It’s like sitting in entrance of your e mail all day. In the event you’re simply sitting inside, fielding emails coming into your inbox, these are different individuals’s priorities interrupting your day, not the belongings you truly wish to get carried out.
So take into consideration a small purpose. If it’s studying the best way to cook dinner. Is it studying the best way to play pickleball? Is it studying the best way to use AI? No matter your purpose is, for those who’re continuously getting a bit pushed again due to distractions, it’s time to remain low and maintain shifting.
I really like that. As a result of I do suppose that we live in a world of distraction the place it’s straightforward to get pulled in 100 completely different instructions, or to any individual else’s priorities. I’m 100% responsible of that. And I really feel like there’s moments once I’m like, it’s important to come inward once more and discover you. Like what is looking to me, and what do I must put my consideration on? So I really like that as a spot to start out.
I feel loads about the way you spend your schedule and hacking your productiveness. So I’ve one thing referred to as no assembly Wednesdays. The place on Wednesdays, I don’t do calls. I don’t do conferences. I actually use it a day to suppose, to plan, to energise, to offer me that point to give attention to what I care about understanding that I do want to fulfill individuals and have calls. However I do know on Wednesday, I’m going to have some pondering time to do it.
So is it spending two hours in your schedule in every week the place you’re going to get that focus time. Is it one hour every week? Begin small. Construct that behavior. Construct it into your calendar of I’m going to spend as soon as every week simply doing targeted work to give attention to one thing that I care about doing.
I’d take it a step additional. Simply going again to — bear in mind, I mentioned I used to be in entrance of the category. And I imply, at an older age, I now can communicate to this. It was the way in which you suppose dictates the way in which you act.
100%.
It often yields the end result that you just get. That was one piece that I didn’t have geared up but at a younger age of 17, freshman in excessive — I’m sorry, faculty. Take the step additional, you mentioned SYSTEMS. And I really like that. And I really like acronyms. You recognize I really like my acronyms.
Sure, David —
Save your self time, vitality, cash, and stress while you apply the SYSTEMS.
Save your self time, vitality and cash. Yeah, I acquired it.
Yeah, and stress. And while you apply it although. As a result of we at all times discuss how information is energy. However then, the truth is the applying.
Is what we get caught on.
You bought to use it. You bought to use it. We are able to learn the e-book, however we nonetheless have to use the instruments to permit it to return to life.
One of many issues I did within the e-book was make it actually sensible. So on the finish of each chapter, there’s a cheat sheet. After which I give reflection workout routines so individuals can put the foundations to work.
There you go.
And that’s one of many suggestions I’ve gotten from the e-book is like how sensible it’s, is how I can truly do this stuff and implement them into my life.
I really like that. You talked about rule primary already. Let’s leap proper to rule quantity two then as a result of we wish to undergo these — be a worth creator. Inform us extra about this.
So I take into consideration how — once I look again at my profession, what was the factor that caught? Was enthusiastic about — I constantly attempt to add worth to different individuals. And by including worth to different individuals, I in the end add worth to myself. So I take into consideration I’ll meet you. And I wish to ask you a quite simple query, how can I assist? And by asking you that easy query, I can discover out what do you care about? What are your issues, what are belongings you’re captivated with?
After which I’m going to attempt to pull a kind of threads and say, you realize what? Jamie actually cares about this. If I see an article, I’m going to ship it to her. If I could make an introduction, I’m going to make it for her. I’m going to attempt to anticipate wants. Or I’m going to attempt to clear up an issue. Or I’m going to attempt to do one thing with good intention to convey worth to you as a result of I do know it’s one thing you care about. And it’s not what I feel it’s helpful. It’s what you suppose is efficacious.
And picture if I maintain displaying up in your life bringing worth to you. Aren’t we going to create an excellent relationship?
100%.
Aren’t you going to wish to do enterprise with me? Aren’t you going to wish to rent my firm? Aren’t you going to wish to advocate me to any individual else? That’s what I imply about creating worth for different individuals. Discover a technique to create worth for individuals you care about. As a result of while you do, you make a deposit of their belief financial institution. And while you make a deposit in somebody’s belief financial institution, you construct a relationship. And while you construct an excellent relationship, you enhance your popularity.
So I actually really feel that — I’ve a consulting agency, so I’ve shoppers. So I must continuously take into consideration how do I create worth for them? As a result of they’ve selection. They will go discuss to any individual else or rent any individual else. What’s my secret sauce? What’s the factor that I do know I can create worth for them?
It began with my mother and father. So my mother, I advised you I had MS. My father additionally had ALS. I had two mother and father with neurological ailments. I acquired some fairly powerful playing cards. It began at dwelling. I mentioned, what can I do to make their day higher, one small factor I can do to make them happier or higher or extra snug? After which once I began creating worth for my mother and father based mostly on being their caretaker and them being so sick, I’m like, that felt good.
It felt good doing one thing good that created worth for them. I used to be questioning if I can take that at work. I’m wondering if I can create worth for my crew. I’m wondering if I can create worth for my boss or my firm. And it’s about perhaps pondering strategically or attempting to consider one thing they hadn’t thought of, or step up and do one thing they didn’t ask you to do. That’s worth.
Nicely, worth comes with expertise, too. And I imply, for those who’re simply listening proper now or watching, I really feel the vitality and I really feel the boldness. And that needed to come from reps. So I’ve to ask the query as a result of everyone goes to be impressed and excited. However you most likely have been advised no loads.
100%.
However let’s discuss resilience in that. And why no is typically — or I’d say, quite a lot of occasions good as a result of it lets you know the best way to come again to how can I reposition that query? How can I create that worth that you just had been simply chatting with? So are you able to discuss slightly bit about resilience?
I imply, I failed rather a lot in my life. I’ve been fired from jobs fairly a bit. And from failure come helpful classes. And I feel failure shouldn’t be the alternative of success. It’s a part of success. It’s the way you get there. And I’m telling you that if you wish to give worth to different individuals, you should be helpful.
So you could know issues. It’s essential to be capable to execute. It’s essential to have that resilience. Like, OK, for those who get you knock on three doorways and two of them say no, are you going to have the center and the gumption and the boldness to return and knock on that third door or not? And it’s trial and error. It’s life.
You’ll have these. There’s loads of occasions the place I had setbacks or I’ve been advised no. Or the worth I used to be creating wasn’t sufficient. It was good, however it wasn’t helpful to them of their eyes. So that you’re going to should construct that muscle. You’re going to should learn to create worth for different individuals. However when you do, you grow to be indispensable.
There’s something in that, too, about it’s important to then remember and know and belief your personal worth. So let’s discuss that for a second. As a result of if I don’t consider that I’ve worth to supply, you’re holding your self again.
All people does.
I do know.
All people does. All people has distinctive skills. And no one’s judging you as a lot as you’re judging your self. So as —
Say that once more. You bought to listen to this. Say that one once more.
No person’s judging you as a lot as you’re judging your self. As a result of it’s true. All people has one thing. Everybody’s like, I don’t have a secret sauce or there’s nothing that I’m good at. That’s unimaginable. That’s unimaginable. Are you good with individuals? Then perhaps that’s your secret sauce. Are you good at drawback fixing? That’s your secret sauce. Are you good with being an excellent listener? As a result of that’s so vital. Listening is the way you develop the technique and the concepts and the insights.
There’s one thing. It’s simply figuring out it. And one of many issues I do within the e-book to assist individuals establish what their secret sauce is is ask these questions. What do individuals used to explain me? What are three phrases you’ll use to explain me? What are issues that I take pleasure in doing that I discover convey me pleasure? These are the issues which might be your secret sauce.
Like I take pleasure in engaged on tough issues and attempting to crack them. I take pleasure in doing analysis. I take pleasure in getting on the market and assembly individuals and networking. I imply, not too long ago, I spoke at an enormous occasion. It’s a networking occasion with 10,000 individuals. And I requested everybody within the viewers to boost their hand, how many individuals within the viewers are good at networking or love networking? And actually, no one raised their arms. And I’m like, this can be a networking occasion.
Like, we’re right here.
Yeah, as a result of they actually really feel it’s intimidating to community, which we discuss loads about within the e-book. However I really feel like, for those who really feel you’re hitting setbacks otherwise you’re hitting that failure wall otherwise you really feel such as you don’t have that secret sauce, take a step again. One of many issues that I used to be advised — I acquired requested to do a mission, and I didn’t suppose I might do it.
Certainly one of my associates mentioned to me, Maha, return and skim your resume. Generally, we overlook of what we’ve carried out. You bought an schooling. You had jobs. You’ve a profession. You’ve carried out issues. We simply don’t take inventory at it.
It’s such an vital reminder to — it’s that pause and replicate. You recognize the place you’ve been to then hopefully form the place you’re going. And I don’t know, we have to do extra of that. Decelerate.
I feel generally, it will get complicated for people. They have a look at confidence after which cockiness, perhaps. And I’m like, I don’t wish to replicate on self. I don’t wish to make it about self. However that’s the worth.
That’s the worth. Really, while you see the identify of the e-book, Self-reliance, individuals suppose, self is in it. It means egocentric. It means I ought to depend on myself that I don’t want anyone else. In the event you learn the e-book, that is the precise reverse of what the e-book is about. It’s about empowering your self to be like, hey, I can do issues. I can know issues. And if you realize the instruments of self-reliance, it’ll change your thoughts about what it’s about.
Yep, I’ll reshape that. Let’s return to these guidelines. As a result of I do know the subsequent one, you mentioned, don’t be a waiter, rule quantity three.
This occurred to me. So, I used to be sitting with associates, having a cup of tea. And I had a job. I used to be getting up, going to work, going to my associates, figuring out. I had my routine. I used to be dwelling. There was nothing fallacious with my life. I wasn’t sad in any method, form, or kind. And considered one of my associates mentioned to me, you’re a waiter. And I mentioned, what?
And he’s like, you’re ready. You’re ready in your boss to offer you that mission that’s going to make you a rock star. You’re ready for somebody to offer you a promotion. You’re ready since you suppose you deserve one thing and it’s going to return to you. You’re ready till you meet Mr. Proper. You’re ready till you shed weight. You’re ready till you get extra money within the checking account.
And I used to be pissed off. I used to be upset. Sorry. I used to be actually upset as a result of he was proper. I used to be ready. I knew that I used to be able to extra. I knew that I had issues I needed to do. I used to be simply hoping that as a result of I deserved it, it was going to return to me. Or I used to be ready for somebody to acknowledge me. I’m like, properly, don’t they know that I’m working actually onerous? I deserve this.
Are you ready for permission from others? Are you ready since you worry failure? Generally, I didn’t do issues as a result of I didn’t need individuals to guage me and say, who does she suppose she is? I feared failure. I feared judgment. I used to be ready for permission. And I’m like, what do I want permission from different individuals for? It’s my life. Solely I understand how to drive it and stay it and be part of it.
And I really feel like lots of people are ready. And I wish to encourage you to undergo this e-book, learn the workout routines to find out for those who’re a waiter. As a result of I actually really feel that it’ll kickstart you into enthusiastic about, gosh, I’m ready. What am I ready for? That is the chapter that will get them. When individuals learn the e-book, they’re like, oh, dang it. Dang it. I don’t wish to wait.
That is the place I’ve been caught.
I’ve been caught. Or like, you realize there’s one thing you wish to do. You’re simply not doing it. Why aren’t you doing it?
The worry of the unknown. You bought to have the ability to advocate for your self.
I wrote that phrase down. Actually wrote the identical phrase.
You must advocate for your self. And it’s so international in sure areas. So now, for those who’re the one who’s talking up, it’s like, you’re the outlier.
However child step it. That’s what I’m attempting to say. Generally, I don’t wish to do issues as a result of I don’t wish to take that first step. Step one is the toughest. I’m like, OK, what am I ready for? I’m ready for this stuff.
What’s one factor I can tick off this, a small step that I can try this’s digestible, that’s not going to place me in a weak place. Attempt to simply take a step particularly as we’re enthusiastic about our lives and the way busy we’re and what we do. What’s one factor I can do? I’m not asking you to do 10 steps or 4 steps. I’m saying do one.
It’s related with an train program. Like I wish to run a marathon. You’re to not exit and run a marathon. You must run that first two-mile run and construct up. You must construct up —
You could get the sneakers. That’s step one. You could go for a stroll. That’s the second step. You could go for an extended stroll. Then it’s good to begin jogging. Such as you simply child step it.
I’d say transparency is vital on this house. So far as while you’re taking these steps, transparency, making the notice to the person that you’re chatting with the needs that you really want. You bought to place it on the market. As a result of honesty is completely different from transparency. See, honesty is I’m ready so that you can ask me the query. Then I might be actual with you. I’ve been ready for that so that you can discuss concerning the promotion.
Thanks.
Versus transparency — over the previous 12 months, these are the issues which have been carried out. What worth do you affiliate to that? Now, you’re clear with it, however on the similar time, you’re taking the step, and also you’re advocating for your self.
For your self.
So I really like that. Subsequent rule, as a result of we love the place we’re going at with this. It’s acquired unlearn, relearn, and spend money on your self. Piggybacking off what we simply mentioned. So while you discuss people who can’t get by this, they will’t break by that barrier. We’ve got a set mindset that’s setting them up. And then you definately clearly has a progress mindset. It was the alternative finish of that spectrum.
100%.
So discuss to us.
So what do it’s good to unlearn? What issues have modified in time — as a result of occasions are altering — that it’s good to rethink? Like what conversations am I having with myself based mostly on perhaps outdated beliefs or issues that aren’t true anymore? Like for instance, careers usually are not linear. We don’t simply do one factor.
You wish to have completely different varieties and views. Like having a aspect hustle is regular as a result of you’ve got different pursuits outdoors your work. Doesn’t imply you don’t love your day job. It means you’ve got different pursuits, and also you wish to nurture and feed that cup. Relearning — what do it’s good to relearn? As a result of schooling doesn’t cease while you end college. The market’s altering a lot.
After which final however not least, which is on the quilt of the e-book, spend money on your self. What are you able to do to spend money on your self? I’m not going to attend for my supervisor to say, listed here are some issues I need you to study. I’ve entry to the web. Podcasts are totally free. YouTube movies are totally free. Speaking to any individual is totally free. What are you doing to spend money on your self? I don’t wish to be left behind as a result of I don’t know issues. And you realize what? It’s by no means been simpler. We’ve by no means lived in a higher time to study. Folks’s morning hacks or morning routines or what to do in sure conditions? We are able to study and spend money on your self, and it’s so rewarding and it’s so enjoyable.
Studying books. And I’m not saying go take formal schooling and take courses. Studying comes from in every single place. You may Google a phrase a day, and also you’ve realized one thing. And you realize what? It’s truly good in your mind. And for those who stroll and take heed to a podcast, the quantity of endorphins and well-being it does in your mind, it helps you keep that info.
So actually take into consideration that. How can I incorporate studying into my life? And it’s as soon as every week. Is it as soon as a month? In the event you stroll away from nothing on this podcast, stroll away from this. I need you to spend money on your self. You’re the one that can drive your progress. And that’s why it’s in a e-book about self-reliance. I wish to depend on myself, to spend money on myself.
Pay to be in rooms. Pay to go to conferences. Pay to spend money on studying issues. As a result of while you do, you haven’t solely well-being and also you’ve helped your mind as a result of studying is actually good for you, you give your self a aggressive benefit both at work or with different individuals or constructing relationships as a result of information is energy.
And that’s the reason I really feel like I’m so captivated with being a lifelong learner. I at all times wish to know what’s taking place. I’m curious concerning the world round me. And I really feel prefer it’s actually vital to consider when you’ve got a to do record of spending time with associates, or figuring out or socializing, the place is studying in your precedence record?
And to your level, it doesn’t should be formal schooling.
No.
It doesn’t should price hundreds of {dollars}. It truly is.
Free.
And it’s at our fingertips more often than not now. It’s like, I can Google this and I study one thing. And perhaps it’s a pastime you wish to study. That each one issues. It builds proper over time.
It’s free.
Sure.
My level is, it’s free. Why wouldn’t you benefit from it?
We simply should cease being distracted. Form of keep low.
However similar to, yeah, precisely. However like podcasts, I can study — I take heed to quite a lot of medical podcasts as a result of I don’t like consuming that in books. However I wish to study what are the most recent well being hacks and medical issues which might be taking place. I like listening to completely different tales. I wish to find out about how a CEO constructed his enterprise. Or I’m interested in cooking issues or no matter it’s that I’m captivated with. It doesn’t should be associated to your work.
Simply coaching your mind to study one thing is all it’s good to struggle growing old. They mentioned seven minutes a day. In the event you learn seven minutes a day, that may stop Alzheimer’s. It looks like a easy factor. However studying is in your mind. What figuring out is in your physique.
I like that.
Work that muscle.
Work it.
Seven minutes a day of studying.
And we acquired the time for it.
100%.
We acquired the time for it.
You bought seven minutes.
All day. All day. So right here we go. Test it out. Consider your popularity as foreign money. Let free on us. Come on.
Yeah, I imply, give it some thought. We stay in a cancel tradition. Everybody has a popularity. What are you doing to construct it? What are you doing to guard it? I need you to deal with it like a foreign money. It’s helpful. What’s it’s price? And the way are you growing it? So if in case you have a robust popularity, good issues and alternatives will come to you. It’s about your relationships together with your neighbors, with your loved ones, at work. In case you have a job, your private model — lots of people hear the phrase private model.
They’re like, Maha, I’m not a social media influencer. That’s not what I’m attempting to do. I need you to remove the time period private model and change it with the time period popularity. And don’t you care about your popularity? What’s your popularity at work? Private model at work? You’re a crew participant. You’re an excellent listener. You’re resourceful. You’re a go-getter. You’re formidable. You’re a frontrunner. You’re an excellent listener.
And for those who’re an entrepreneur, it’s good to take into consideration your private model as a result of that’s the way you’re going to draw traders. That’s the way you’re going to draw the suitable expertise. That’s the way you’re going to draw the suitable companions. It issues. And the extra AI integrates into our life, the extra private manufacturers are going to matter.
Inform us extra about that. What function do you see AI taking part in in that?
100%. I imply, it performs a really huge function. As a result of to begin with, AI will eradicate quite a lot of jobs. And so lots of people are going to be self-employed or self entrepreneurs. And we’ll should know, how do I construct a relationship? How do I construct my popularity so individuals will work with me? Persons are going to be compelled to be their very own companies and types, whether or not they prefer it or not. And it’s straightforward to do. And it’s truly, economically, very highly effective to do.
So I really feel like that’s the very first thing. The second factor is, once I take into consideration your private model, your popularity, or how the market’s altering, take into consideration relationships you’ve got what are the reputations of the individuals that you just work together with? And why do you gravitate in direction of sure individuals, is as a result of they’ve robust private manufacturers, robust popularity. You wish to be related to them. You wish to do enterprise with them. You wish to have them in your circle as a community.
In the event you construct a robust popularity, you appeal to the suitable community, the suitable relationships, the suitable alternatives. And I train within the e-book a playbook of the best way to construct your private model, your popularity on-line and offline. As a result of what actually issues shouldn’t be what you do on social media. It’s the way you deal with individuals in actual life — the barista, your colleagues, your folks, your neighbors. What’s your popularity? It issues.
As a result of we wish to say — you spend time with the individuals which might be the 5 individuals which might be in your circle, those that affect you. Take into consideration who you wish to spend firm and spend time with and be in firm with. It issues.
An excellent mentor of mine advised me, I wish to say again in 2016, he was speaking about everyone’s so targeted on web price. He mentioned it’s the community that opens up the entry. And from the entry, the byproduct is web price. So what meaning is now, the corporate that you just maintain.
The notion, for those who see me on the aspect of the Timberwolves sideline after they’re taking part in the sport, the notion is, oh, man, he’s any individual simply because I’m sitting on the sideline. However the actuality is, I’m the identical individual. However the notion — and that’s what that entry level that I’m speaking about in these relationships to what you’re speaking about in popularity and that foreign money piece, all of these issues, all of it intertwines.
The rationale I exploit the phrase foreign money is I need individuals to know the way helpful it’s to them. And the way a lot it may be a door opener and a foreign money with different individuals. And the opposite factor is, when you consider this, the community and the online price, lots of people don’t wish to construct their private manufacturers even when they’re not going to be posting on social media as a result of they don’t have the suitable self-worth to construct their web price.
In order that they’re overthinking it. Or they don’t have the boldness. Or they suppose, oh, I’m not a private model. And you’re. You actually are. You actually have one thing to supply on the earth being pleasant, being useful. All of the issues that who you present up, the way you present up on the earth, that’s your popularity. And I really feel like lots of people put it off to the aspect.
Like I’ve one. I can’t management it. It’s what individuals understand of me. And my level is, no, it’s not. It’s truly one thing that ought to be the very first thing you consider each single day of the best way to construct it, the best way to develop it. And while you do spend money on your self and you realize issues, and you may create worth for different individuals, and also you construct your private model, and also you construct the suitable reputations, that’s the methodology of being self-reliant is you perceive how vital that’s. And that driving what you care about.
That makes whole sense. And it’s additionally simply acquired my thoughts spinning about the place I must spend a while. Be a long-term participant. I feel this one’s actually fascinating since you talked slightly bit about these small steps. However there’s one thing about that long run. So inform us about that.
I imply, I feel we stay in a world of instantaneous gratification. We wish to faucet to pay and get out of the shop. We wish to obtain the entire sequence proper now. We don’t wish to wait. We don’t even wish to wait three seconds for a video to load. They are saying for those who don’t hook a buyer individual in three seconds, they transfer on. Our relationship with time has modified.
And I wish to be a long-term participant for the whole lot I’ve carried out in my life. And I inform some actually loopy and enjoyable tales within the e-book. You could be pondering long run. Make a deposit in any individual’s belief financial institution. And make a number of deposits in several individuals’s belief banks. Think about you strolling by life, David, within the subsequent 5 to 10 years, making deposits in individuals’s belief banks. If you want one thing, you’ll make a withdrawal. And also you’ll be capable to make that withdrawal since you’ve hung out doing good deeds for different individuals, being good intentions.
This chapter, being a long-term participant is all about the best way to construct your personal community. One of many causes is in a e-book about self-reliance is I need you to depend on your self to know the best way to construct a relationship and the best way to nurture a relationship and construct a community. How do you grasp the artwork of networking on LinkedIn? How do you grasp the artwork of networking on a Zoom or a Groups name?
There’s individuals — I work at an organization. I wish to community with them. How do I try this? I train you ways to do that within the e-book. Methods to construct a relationship? Methods to nurture it? Your community shouldn’t be there to serve you, to get you tickets to a Wolves sport, or a job in your son. You could find out about serving your community. As a result of while you do, you made a deposit within the belief financial institution. You’ve added worth to them. They know extra about your popularity. All of it hyperlinks collectively.
And I really feel like having a really robust community and a gaggle of relationships is one thing I need everybody to have of their arms. These playing cards of their arms and counting on themselves to construct their relationships. What if we now have one other pandemic? Am I going to name you Jamie, and say, hey, Jamie, these relationships you’ve got? Can I exploit them? Why don’t I learn to construct my very own relationships?
You must begin with you once more. Again to you.
And I imply, quite a lot of the rules of this e-book is I need individuals to have all of the playing cards of their arms. And people playing cards are abilities, expertise, information, and relationships. As a result of if in case you have good relationships, you may depend on your self while you want one thing. In case you have good expertise, you’ll be capable to create worth for different individuals. In case you have abilities since you’ve invested in your self in studying, you’ll be capable to leverage that.
And if in case you have information — that’s once more the lifelong studying — that’s one thing that’s going that will help you maintain going and depend on your self. And I really feel like one of many causes I wrote this e-book was I needed individuals to redefine what they thought of when they consider self-reliance. Now, it’s about abilities, expertise, information, relationships. And that issues.
So if I’m listening to you proper, the infinite sport, and over time, making these small deposits. After which at any time when it’s good to make a withdrawal, it’s there for you since you constructed these —
Goodwill.
—concrete, robust relationships.
100%.
I really like that. I really like that. So right here we go. I really like this subsequent one. Rule quantity seven, stay with no regrets.
I imply, it’s straightforward to say, very tough to do. And this stems from my private expertise of my mom with MS and my father with ALS. What are the percentages that I’ve two mother and father with neurological ailments that would want full-time care? I turned a caretaker.
And for 22 years of my life, I used to be caretaking for my mother and father, not solely feeding, bathing, clothes them, however making all their medical choices and hoping I’m making the suitable medical choices and educating myself about doing the suitable factor for them. And I might have been fairly down and out of myself, of my scenario, of my life, of those are the playing cards that I acquired dealt.
And I used to be like, properly, how can I flip this setback into what I wish to name a comeback? And the way can I flip my struggles into my strengths? And what can I study from this course of so I don’t remorse having to be a caretaker for many of my life? It taught me about empathy. It taught me about persistence. It gave me quite a lot of perspective.
If I’m having a foul day, all I needed to do is have a look at them. They’ve feeding tubes and trachs. And it wasn’t an excellent scenario that they — I might get away from bed and put my ft on the bottom and rise up. They didn’t have that easy luxurious. And so I really feel like I don’t need you to stay with regrets. If one thing occurred to you, it doesn’t outline you.
And I need you to consider you don’t wish to stay your life pondering, I woulda, shoulda, coulda. We’re solely on this planet for thus lengthy. Have that perspective of is that this actually what I wish to stay my life doing? Is that this actually how I wish to get mad about one thing? Or is that this actually definitely worth the angst, it’s stress that’s inflicting me? 9 occasions out of 10, it’s most likely not.
And to depend on your self means you don’t remorse issues that occurred to you. You settle for them, and also you let go of them with the intention to obtain the belongings you care about and give attention to what actually issues. After I lived in Dubai, I had an incredible life. I lived in an incredible metropolis. I had an incredible job. I used to be making good cash. I had no motive to go away Dubai.
However when the pandemic hit and the considered me not seeing my household once more, it was a no brainer. I used to be like, I’m on the subsequent flight out. And I didn’t wish to remorse having to — what if I acquired caught right here? I didn’t wish to have that remorse. And I moved again. And I’m like, I don’t know the way I’m going to start out over once more. I don’t have an organization. I don’t have a community. I’ve been dwelling abroad for 23 years.
Think about you leaving someplace and coming again. Every little thing’s modified in 23 years. So I’m like, OK, however I do know I’m going to depend on myself. I’ve abilities. I’ve expertise. I understand how to community. I’ve an excellent popularity. And I relied on myself to rebuild, and I did.
And if I can do it, so are you able to. As a result of I don’t have a checking account. I don’t have a household enterprise. I depend on myself to attain the issues I wish to get carried out. And I’m keen to place within the onerous work and the keen to place within the effort. And for those who’re keen to try this, you are able to do something.
I really like that. So we’ve been by your guidelines. We simply heard from you about having that perspective, your potential to do no matter you set your thoughts to. When any individual finishes this e-book, what would you like them to stroll away with? I imply, you’ve talked slightly bit about that. However in the end, what’s the takeaway, the end result —
Nicely, lots of people have learn it. Virtually 10,000 individuals have learn this e-book. So what they’ve advised me of their tweets and messages that they get from studying this e-book is that they get the boldness to belief themselves. Numerous us have that internal intestine that we don’t take heed to. It’s best to take heed to it. As a result of solely you realize what’s greatest for you.
Nobody goes to place you on the high of your precedence record. Your loved ones helps you and loves you and cares about you. However nobody’s waking up day by day pondering, OK, Jamie, you’re the highest of my record. I’m going to run your profession and produce you all these alternatives and construct your relationships for you. Nobody’s going to do it for you.
And so I feel lots of people who’ve learn the e-book learn it. And to begin with, it’s a fast learn. You’ll get by it. Or if you wish to take heed to an audiobook, and I narrated it myself. However I feel individuals get quite a lot of confidence of like, oh, that is sensible. That is stuff I can truly do. And a small factor will make an enormous distinction.
I maintain listening to with the small issues, too. We’ve talked loads on this podcast about behavior stacking. And that’s what this appears like, too. It’s like in the future at a time, one ability at a time, one lesson at a time.
The small issues are the massive issues. Really, there’s an entire part within the e-book about that. That the small issues find yourself being the massive issues.
You recognize my saying on that one — too huge to do the little issues, and too little to do huge issues. You already know that one.
I really like that one. I really like that. Really, I advised a narrative within the e-book that nothing is beneath you. After I moved to Egypt, I used to be 27. And I couldn’t discover a job. I had labored at Normal Mills, and I had like this cool job working in sports activities advertising, a cool job. And I get to Egypt, and I can’t discover a job. And I attempt to apply to Pepsi and Coca-Cola and P&G. I wish to work in an American firm as a result of I do know that setting. I can thrive in it.
And I acquired to Egypt. And I acquired provided to work as a secretary for a billionaire. And I went dwelling that day simply upset. I’m like, I’m overqualified. I don’t wish to be an admin. Like, that’s not what I got here right here to do. Is that basically what I’m going to be doing right here is be — I’m overqualified. I used to be actually stuffed with myself.
And my dad gave me some recommendation on the time that I didn’t actually see his foresight or perception. That he’s like, it is best to take this job. And I’m like, what? He’s like, you simply moved right here. You don’t know anyone. If I had been you, I’d go in, put your head down. Put within the onerous work. Make this job what it may be. Create worth for him. Be taught the enterprise.
This can be a good setting so that you can find out about the best way to do enterprise in a brand new nation you’ve by no means carried out enterprise earlier than. Learn to community and socialize with everybody. The workplace supervisor within the Center East is just like the chief of employees. So anybody who must get to the billionaire or the chairman of the corporate should undergo you. If I had been you, this is sort of a good alternative so that you can get entry and meet everybody within the nation.
I used to be so upset. The following day, I went in and I accepted the job. And I sat outdoors the chairman’s workplace, answering telephones, scheduling conferences. However I used to be like, I used to be actually not completely satisfied about it. However I’m like, I’m going to go to work day by day with satisfaction, and I’m going to grasp this function. And I’m going to point out him that I’m able to doing extra. However first, I’m going to do what he needs. And I did.
I learn every bit of paper going within the workplace, popping out. I networked with everybody. I needed to be a pleasure to work with. I needed everybody to fulfill me. I needed to construct relationships, construct contacts, and that’s a narrative — it’s one of many tales within the e-book that I share as a result of I’m like, no job is beneath you. Be keen to place within the onerous work. Be taught the worth of constructing relationships. Be taught the worth of making worth for others. And I can let you know, for 4 years I labored for this chairman. I began as his secretary, and I ended up his enterprise accomplice.
Wow.
Fairly wonderful.
It’s.
I put within the effort. I put within the onerous work. I created worth. After which I nagged him. I’m like, I can do extra. I can do extra. I can do extra.
Advocate for your self.
The greasy wheel acquired the grease. After which he lastly is like, advantageous, I’ll offer you a mission so you will get out of my hair. After which I nailed it. I delivered. After which he’s like, OK, I feel she will do extra.
I really like that. So we hit on loads. We hit on loads. So we wish to guarantee that we didn’t miss something.
Earlier than I offer you our mic drop second.
I’m prepared.
Are you prepared for the mic drop second?
Yeah, I’m prepared.
Let’s do it.
So that you simply mentioned one thing about your father. I wish to return to childhood with each your mother and father. And I heard you talk about each your mother and father all through the podcast. What was one thing that you just bear in mind early on round communication out of your mother and father that you just nonetheless champion at the moment?
I feel quite a lot of it was my dad advised me — and my mother did as properly — however what you place between your two ears, nobody can take away from you — your information. And also you’ve acquired to learn to construct your personal energy and powers. And lots of people can take loads away from you. And also you’re not going to be handed something. However for those who give attention to being good and investing in your self, that carried with me my entire life.
And my dad was a professor and dean of enterprise college. My grandfather was in schooling. My aunts and uncles got here from schooling. And I really feel like that was an enormous a part of my DNA and rising up. I’ve an older sister. She works at Normal Mills. She’s been there for 35 years. She’s an government vp. And he actually raised robust ladies to consider for those who’re good, nobody can take something away from you. And onerous work clearly can’t change that.
However I really feel like my childhood in Minnesota was all about group and being with one another individuals and constructing relationships. And I really feel like that was an enormous a part of ingrained in me in my childhood in addition to studying the worth of working with different individuals and needing different individuals. It’s not about being self-reliant, like not needing any individual. It’s actually, your energy comes from who you hang around with and who you spend time with and who you make investments relationships with.
That’s superior. That’s superior.
Nicely, Maha, we’re so grateful to have you ever be part of us at the moment.
Thanks.
We would like individuals to be sure you take a look at your e-book, Seven Guidelines of Self-Reliance. It’s accessible, I feel, on all the most important booksellers.
Sure, at Barnes and Noble, Amazon. It’s accessible in every single place. If anybody listens to the e-book or buys the e-book, share suggestions with me as a result of that’s how I study what you care about probably the most.
They usually can share that with you. You’ve your web site, mahaabouelenein.com. Plus you’re on LinkedIn, Fb, TikTok. Instagram.
And Instagram. We might simply search your identify there, and we’ll discover you. And we’ll be sure you hyperlink to it from our present notes.
Thanks, Jamie. Thanks, David.
Thanks a lot.